


hiraeth

by millenniumboy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming of Age, M/M, Polyamory, Road Trips, Summer, that hard to explain feeling of being on precipice of adulthood, they're all disgustingly in love with each other, while simultaneously wanting to cling onto your childhood and familiarity, with the added bonus of romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23308777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/millenniumboy/pseuds/millenniumboy
Summary: Donghyuck waits until Jaemin glances up at him, tearing his attention away from his phone before sitting up. "We should go on a trip, a road trip."Renjun finally looks up, raising an eyebrow. "Why?""Because we only have two months left together and we should make the most of it, you know.""Make some memories," Jeno adds thoughtfully and Donghyuck nods.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 35
Kudos: 188
Collections: dream jukebox fest: round one





	hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> hiraeth (n): a homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was
> 
> based off 400 lux by lorde
> 
> aaa reveals are here!! i'm so pleased to have participated in this awesome fest even if i wasn't entirely happy with the fic >< a huge thank you to mod jump for being awesome at everything and running a great fest! and also to The Best Beta Ever In The Entire World for taking this burning dumpster fire and making it a thousand times better. you are amazing and ilysm <3

**Part One**

Texas summers are hot. They are achingly short mornings with a cool breeze that can turn humid at any second. They are days and days of endless heat, the scorching sun beating down until every living thing seeks shelter from its unforgiving gaze. They are hours and hours spent lying on the cold hardwood floor, staring up at the lazily spinning ceiling fan, wondering what to do next before you melt from the heat or go insane from the never ending mundanity.

Jeno both hates and loves Texas summers in equal measure. 

At six am, the morning after graduation, Jeno’s alarm goes off.

His hand comes up automatically to snooze it, but instead of getting up, he lays there in a way he never would have two days before, staring up at the spinning ceiling fan that, combined with the air conditioning on full blast, actually made him more cold than anything else, and thinking.

It’s the first day of summer. He’s no longer a high schooler.

It’s the first day of summer. In three months, he’s going to start college. 

It’s the first day of summer.

His phone pings, shattering the quiet. 

**nana**

you up?

Jeno stares at the screen before groaning and letting his head fall back on the pillow. He thinks about going back to sleep, but his body immediately protests. 

It takes Jeno ten minutes, but he finally pulls himself out of bed, gets dressed, and grabs his sneakers along with his headphones and keys before walking out the front door.

He locks the door behind him before he pads down the sidewalk to where Jaemin is sitting on his porch, staring down at his phone. He looks up when Jeno nears and scowls halfheartedly. 

Jeno remembers the day he'd helped Jaemin and his dad put up the porch swing. It had been during Thanksgiving break and Jaemin had spent most of the time sitting on the porch by the screws, just laughing loudly as Jeno and his dad had struggled with the chains, trying to link them up the top of the roof, Post Malone blasting incessantly in the background. 

"Finally," Jaemin calls, standing up. It's still a little dark outside and Jaemin's porch light is still on. His black hair looks brown in the orange light. The sun is rising to their left and Jeno can already feel himself starting to sweat. "You took fucking forever."

"It was weird waking up," Jeno confesses, leaning down to make sure his shoes are tied tightly before standing up straight again. "I didn't realise it was summer for a second."

"Yeah," Jaemin agrees as they walk down the sidewalk, slowly speeding up, the ground starting to vanish underneath their feet, clad in old running shoes that they both had saved up months for before blowing them at a Black Friday’s sale four years ago. "We _graduated_ yesterday, Jen."

"It feels so fucking weird."

"Yeah."

And that's the last thing they say for a while as they jog out of the neighbourhood. They never talk on their runs; it takes too much energy and it's hard to hold a conversation when they're panting up a hill. As they pull into a faster jog, Jaemin plugs his headphones in and Jeno does the same and in partnered silence, they run together in the slowly coming dawn.

Jeno and Jaemin started running together junior year.

At first, it had just been Jeno, trying to find other ways to stay in shape as the basketball season wound down and he’d been left with hours to spend before and after school and nothing to do. But soon, Jaemin had joined him. They’d tried to get Donghyuck or Renjun involved as well, but Donghyuck had just laughed in their faces while Renjun, completely stone-faced, completely silent, had turned his phone in their direction and one by one, methodically deleted every single one of his alarms before turning back to his lunch.

So it was him and Jaemin, every single morning, every single day, for two years.

They loop around their neighbourhood three times before it gets too hot to run any further. The sun beating down on them when they slow to an easy walk, pulling the headphones from their ears.

"So," Jaemin says through a pant. "What's your plan?"

Jeno slides a look sideways at him. Jaemin’s covered in a thin sheen of sweat, his hair pasted down to his forehead and Jeno’s sure he looks no better. "For?"

Jaemin frowns. "The rest of the summer, what do you think, dumbass?"

Jeno halfheartedly slaps him on the arm. "I don't know," he sighs. "For the first time in forever we don't have any SAT's or ACT's to worry about, we don't have college apps to worry about, we don't have stupid health summer classes to worry about. It's just three months of nothing stretching out in front of us." He groans, stretching his arms and shaking them out. "Why? What plans do _you_ have?"

"Nothing," Jaemin shrugs, easy going in the face of an endless, empty summer.

"We should do something," Jeno hums thoughtfully. 

"Text the other two," Jaemin offers. "The pool just got refilled last weekend."

Jeno nods and they finish the walk in companionable silence.

Renjun and Donghyuck are already there when Jeno finally makes his way over, hours later, after the heat of the afternoon has passed and it’s finally a reasonable temperature to be outside. Jaemin's house is right beside his, but that doesn't mean Jeno wants to leave the cool air conditioning of his house to go steam in Jaemin's pool.

"Finally," Donghyuck calls, peeking over the top of his sunglasses as Jeno shuts the side gate behind him. Renjun doesn't even look up from where he's spread along the one remaining deck chair, pale legs on display. Jeno looks a beat longer than he should before dropping down on the hot concrete, nearly blistering his thighs, beside Donghyuck who's lazily turning in circles in the crystal blue water, slipping his legs into the cool water. Donghyuck swims up to him and flicks Jeno with water. "You took forever. How did me and Renjun get here faster when you live ten seconds away?"

"I was napping," Jeno mumbles, rubbing at his eyes. "We ran like four miles this morning."

"Gross." Donghyuck wrinkles his nose. He looks like a puppy in the water and Jeno smiles down at him, patting his wet hair.

The back door opens and Jaemin comes out, holding four Cokes dripping with condensation. "Finally," he says when he catches sight of Jeno. "I was going to come wake you up with a bucket of water."

Jeno rolls his eyes, turning back to Donghyuck, whose hands are sneaking up his legs, wrapping around his thighs. "Donghyuck," Jeno warns, trying to back away, but Donghyuck digs his hands in, grinning up at him. "Don't, _please_."

"You look hot, though," Donghyuck says innocently, big eyes widening up at Jeno as his hands sneak closer. He stands up in the pool, water sluicing down his chest and Jeno’s legs automatically part to allow Donghyuck into his space as he wraps damp arms around Jeno's waist.

"Wait, wait," Jeno says, panicked, but Donghyuck slides his hand into the side pocket of his shorts and pulls out his phone, tossing it to the side of the pool before, in one swift motion, yanking Jeno down into the water with him. Jeno splutters as water hits his face and gushes up his nose, blinding him temporarily. Over the sound of his own coughing, he can hear Donghyuck and Renjun laughing at him. Donghyuck dances away from him, eyes sparkling, a bright grin stretched across his face that Jeno blinks at when he finally finishes wiping water out of his eyes.

"Donghyuck," Jeno says as sweetly as he can with his nose still burning. "Come here."

Donghyuck sticks his tongue out at him and rushes away, but the pool is only so big and Jeno chases after him easily, diving under the water, the coolness of the pool rushing around him, making the world go smooth and blurry for a second before his hand closes blindly around Donghyuck's leg, yanking him back into Jeno’s body before he can make a dash for it.

Donghyuck lets out a bloodcurdling screech as Jeno corners him against the pool, and in the distance, he can hear Jaemin snickering at it. Jeno laughs, pushing Donghyuck back, before narrowing his eyes down at him.

"Wait, Jeno," Donghyuck says quickly, holding out his hands, his eyes suddenly wide. But there's still mischief glimmering there, and his lips are curled up in a gorgeous smile.

"I should dunk you," Jeno says, moving closer, pinning him to the wall. He can feel Donghyuck's chest rise and fall rapidly, feel the heat pouring off him.

Donghyuck laughs nervously. "Well, you _could_ ," he starts, the familiar tone of bullshit playing in his voice, but before he can even continue, Jeno rolls his eyes and leans in to kiss him.

Donghyuck gasps, a pretty sound of half surprise, before throwing his arms enthusiastically around Jeno's neck and yanking him against Donghyuck's body, kissing him back furiously.

"Boo," Renjun jeers from the sidelines. "Dunk him!"

Jeno laughs into the kiss, and pulls back to murmur against his lips, "Should I? You did drag me in, after all."

“Don’t you dare.” Donghyuck whispers and Jeno opens his eyes to look at Donghyuck’s sparkling brown eyes. A unnamed feeling fizzes up in his chest, rising and rising, like bubbles to the top of soda, popping before it gets too much to swallow down. “Keep kissing me.”

Jeno obediently bends his head back down and Donghyuck flips Renjun off, garnering more jeers from the other two, before he wraps his legs around Jeno's waist, the buoyancy of the water easily supporting him, and tips his head up to meet Jeno's lips again.

Jeno lets him. There's very little he likes more than kissing Donghyuck, and the water is pleasantly cool, the little waves of the pool rocking them into a calming rhythm.

Only after they've drained their drinks do Jaemin and Renjun join them, and Jeno finally pulls away from Donghyuck, his lips feeling very tender and puffy. Donghyuck looks no less worse for wear - his hair has actually started drying in tiny little tufts from how long they'd stayed up above the water, kissing against the wall.

"You're going to sunburn so badly, both of you," Renjun pronounces, wading past them. He dunks his head in the water, flipping it back up in one smooth motion, looking ten times more elegant than any of them would have had they tried.

"You look so hot, Jun," Jaemin coos, trying to wrap his arms around Renjun, only to get elbowed back viciously.

"It'll be worth it," Donghyuck says, lips glistening coral pink in the sun, winking at Jeno who grins sheepishly back. It totally was.

They stay in the pool for hours, trading off between the two deck chairs, and the pool until the sun finally starts to dip behind the horizon. Only after the light starts to vanish and mosquitoes start to buzz around them, irritating and already creating phantom itches, do they all flop into the house, trading junk food between them as some trash reality show plays in the background.

"I'm so tired," Jeno groans, flopping down on the carpet, nestling his head on Jaemin's thigh and poking him until he passes him the popcorn bowl. His hair is still damp at the ends, dripping onto the carpet and Jaemin’s thigh but Jaemin doesn’t push him off. 

He pats him on the head instead and there's a beat of silence before Jaemin sighs. "I'm bored."

"We've just spent five hours in a pool and you're already bored?" Renjun asks incredulously and Jaemin groans in affirmation.

"I hate summers."

Donghyuck flings a piece of popcorn at him. "You take that back," he says indignantly. "This is our last good summer before we're gone and -" he falls abruptly silent and the room falls quiet. Jeno peers up at them. Donghyuck purses his lips and slumps, and Renjun's normally calm face tightens.

It hadn't been a reality they'd had to face up until now. Until summer hit. None of them had ever realised - or if they had, didn't mention - the fact that they were about to split up in the fall when they started college. Renjun was heading up to Chicago, Jeno to California, Jaemin further down Texas, and Donghyuck up to New York. They were all going to be far, far away from each other, on complete opposite sides of the country, going to be growing up away from each other, growing _apart_ from each other.

Jeno swallows and sits up.

"Let's not think about that right now," he says quietly, drawing the attention of all three towards him. "Come on, guys, we still have three months left before college starts. That's three whole months together. Don't think about it ending before we've barely even started."

Jaemin's blank expression melts into a faint smile and he runs his hand through Jeno's hair, tugging him back down to his legs. "You're right," he says quietly. "We've still got time."

Jeno, like all of them, has a soul sucking part-time job that's become more of a full-time job now that summer has hit with hours and hours of nothing to do.

He works at the cute new bakery that had popped up in the mall and privately thought he was really lucky to have done so, given how many people had applied in the first place. It was a small place, limiting the number of customers they could have at one time, and Jeno's job was relatively easy. And the owners didn’t give a fuck if he was on his phone for most of the shift as long as the work got done. All in all, a pretty nice job. 

Jeno looks up at the end of his shift to find Renjun walking into the store, dragging his Starbucks name tag off.

"Good shift?" Jeno asks, noticing Renjun's stormy expression.

"Don't even start," Renjun groans, dropping into the chair nearest to the counter. "Just please give me the cheesiest, non-sweetest thing you have and take my card."

Jeno laughs, waving away Renjun's hand holding out his card and rings him up a cheese croissant. "I'll use my free meal, don't worry," he tells him, walking around the counter to place the plate beside Renjun’s head.

Renjun picks his head up and stares despondently up at Jeno. "I hate my job, Jeno," he says. "I hate the stupid venti frappuccinos, and the stupid middle schoolers flooding the store because they have nothing better to do with their lives, and the _stupid fucking_ pink drinks that people only buy to take pictures of."

"Then quit," Jeno laughs.

"I _can't_ ," Renjun whines, dropping his head back onto the table with a loud thunk. "I need the money."

The bell to the shop tinkles as the door opens and Jeno pads back to the counter as a couple wanders in.

"Figure out something else to do then," Jeno calls as he washes his hands before slipping on new gloves. "Something to take your mind off the monotony."

Renjun groans and takes a grumpy bite of the croissant while Jeno gets back to work.

Jeno's shift ends about half an hour after Renjun's does, so Renjun waits for him so they can drive back together because Renjun’s family only has one car and he doesn’t even get to touch it when summer hits unless it’s to chauffeur his siblings around.

"I figured out what I want to do," Renjun announces as they leave the mall, winding around the hordes and hordes of bored teenagers, tired grandparents lugging around tiny kids, sleepy newly returned college kids who've probably just woken up even though it's edging into two in the afternoon.

"Yeah?" Jeno asks, switching the bag of the sweetest thing he could find in the bakery for Jaemin to his other hand so they can twine their hands together, tugging Renjun closer to him as some kids run screaming by them. "What are you gonna do?"

"I want to dye my hair."

Jeno considers Renjun's inky hair, unchanged since he's known him. "I could see that."

Renjun smiles up at him. "Really?"

"Yeah," Jeno says. "You'll look cute in whatever colour you choose." It’s true, but Jeno’s also really whipped for Renjun so it’s not a hard statement to say. 

"Awesome," Renjun says. "Can we stop by Walmart before you drop me off?"

"Text the others," Jeno suggests. "Donghyuck might want to do it too."

Renjun's smile turns bright and mischievous. "I'm going to try to get him to become a blonde," he announces.

Jeno hums contemplatively. "That'd be hot, actually."

Renjun shoots him a nasty look. "You think _everything_ Donghyuck does is hot."

Well. He’s not wrong. 

Jeno's bathroom looks more like a warzone by the time Jaemin and Donghyuck arrive. Renjun blew what seemed like his whole last paycheck on hair dyes and gloves and is comparing several colours as the bathroom swings open.

"I stole a bunch of dyes from Taeyong," Donghyuck announces, holding up a plastic bag. "What did you choose, babe?"

Renjun shrugs, holding up a box with lavender and another with a silvery gray. "I can't decide."

"Do the purple," Jaemin suggests. "It'd look hot."

"You should dye your hair too," Renjun says, leveling a look at Donghyuck and Jaemin.

"I was going to," Donghyuck shrugs, perching up on the counter top.

"Do blonde," Renjun orders and Donghyuck bursts out laughing.

"Not in your wildest dreams, babe," he says. “I’m not ending up looking like a reject from a nineties boyband.”

Jaemin plucks a box of bright electric blue dye and levels it in Jeno's direction, eyebrow raised in silent question.

Jeno snorts. "Not a chance," he says, backing up against the bathtub. "You guys go crazy but keep me out of it."

"Boring," Jaemin teases and Jeno shrugs. He has no interest in potentially fucking up his hair, mere months before college. It’s going to be hard enough, across the country in a new place, without the added attention that bright blue hair will bring him.

On the other side of them, Renjun and Donghyuck are still arguing about Donghyuck’s hair colour. 

“Do the red,” Renjun says and Donghyuck wrinkles his nose. 

“So I can look like a flamethrower? No thanks.”

“Actually, you’d look good in red, Hyuckie,” Jaemin says contemplatively, fingering a strand of Donghyuck’s curly black hair. 

Renjun picks up the box of blonde dye and eyes it, clearly thinking. 

“Do that one,” Jeno says quietly. Renjun glances up at him and Jeno juts his chin at the box. “The blonde.”

“You sure?” Renjun asks, over the sound of Donghyuck and Jaemin bickering. 

“Yeah,” Jeno shrugs. “It’ll look good on you.” 

Renjun hums and then grants Jeno a sweet smile that has Jeno flushing. 

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Donghyuck announces to the silent room.

Jeno looks up and barely manages to suppress a snicker. Jaemin, Donghyuck, and Renjun are lying around his room in various stages of sleepiness, all with plastic wrap tightly wrapped around their heads. They look ridiculous.

Renjun, who's stolen Jeno's Switch to play Animal Crossing doesn't even look up as he harvests more apples. "What?"

Donghyuck waits until Jaemin glances up at him, tearing his attention away from his phone before sitting up. "We should go on a trip, a road trip."

Silence.

Renjun finally looks up, raising an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because we're so bored, we've resorted to dyeing our hair," Donghyuck exclaims, sweeping his hand out to gesture at the room and its plastic bag headed occupants. "And it's only the third _week_ of summer vacation. And," he continues staunchly, a tight expression flickering across his face. "We only have two months left together and we should make the most of it, you know."

"Make some memories," Jeno adds thoughtfully and Donghyuck nods.

"Exactly."

"Where would we even go?" Jaemin scrunches up his nose. "I'm _not_ going camping again with you guys, _ever_."

Jeno snorts, remembering the very ill-advised trip all four of them had taken up to the camping grounds in Oklahoma, with Jaemin and Jeno's dads acting as supervisors. On the first day, they'd dropped one of their tents down a hill and into the river. By the second day, they'd used up all their bug spray. Perhaps the only good memory of that whole trip was the night of the second day, when their dads had retired to their tents, leaving all four of them alone by the campfire, with s'mores and the stars. Jeno remembers that night fondly a lot - it was when he'd learned _exactly_ how much Jaemin's summer back in Korea had really taught him in terms of kissing.

"That wasn't that bad of a trip," Donghyuck objects, and going by the faintly dreamy look in his eyes, he's falling down the same rabbit hole Jeno is.

"Oklahoma's too fucking hot right now," Renjun objects. "No promise of making out with you guys is enough to drive me up there. Especially when I could do the same thing right here, in my nice, cold room."

"Mmm," Jaemin agrees, rolling onto his front aimlessly and prodding Donghyuck’s thigh with his foot until Donghyuck shoots him a dirty look.

"The beach?" Jeno asks. "It'd be nice to see the ocean."

"San Padre?" Donghyuck perks up.

"Too far," Jaemin disagrees. "We'd take like a day and a half just to make it down there."

Jeno hums, pulling out his phone and flicking through Google's suggestions for best beaches in Texas. Living here all his life has certainly not afforded him a traveler's encyclopedia's knowledge of Texas. "Galveston?" He offers finally, after flicking through several tourist sites.

Renjun lets out a loud groan and flops onto his back. His hair makes a funny squishing noise as it flattens against the carpet. "The beach down there is disgusting," he says, scrunching up his nose.

"Better than anything else, though," Jaemin murmurs, sliding back to lie on the ground, adjusting his Saran wrap so it sits better around his head. "I don't wanna be stuck here for the rest of the summer."

"We don't have to go down to the actual beach," Donghyuck points out to Renjun. "There's other spots that are less occupied, plus we could get an Airbnb and it’s like a week without parental supervision." Renjun makes a face but doesn't disagree.

"Are we really doing this?" Jeno asks. "Cause, I need to start buttering up my mom like yesterday, if we are."

“Why not?” Jaemin shrugs. “It’s not like we have anything better to do for the rest of the summer.”

“That’s the spirit,” Donghyuck claims just as the timer on their hair dyes goes off and as one, they all scramble to the bathroom to see the damage. 

**Part Two**

“I want to go to the Riverwalk.”

“Oh, _god_ , _no_ ,” Renjun snaps, slamming the front two legs of his chair back down. Jeno doesn’t even flinch, just smiles at him, clearly anticipating what’s to come next. 

“Why not?”

“Pick anyone who lives in Texas, any _single_ person, and I can bet you that they’ve _all_ been to the Riverwalk - _we’ve_ been to the Riverwalk at least three times, all of us.”

“Jaemin’s never been to the Riverwalk,” Donghyuck points out. Jaemin doesn’t say anything, but he shoots Donghyuck a distracted smile, going back to his phone as soon as Donghyuck winks at him. Jaemin moved to Texas at the end of their last year in middle school and they all know that Jaemin, while he’d adjusted fantastically to life in the States, still hasn’t seen everything he should have. 

Renjun’s frown falls off as he considers Jaemin. “I hate the Riverwalk,” he says. “Besides, it adds another _three_ hours of driving, not to mention the whole other day we’ll have to spend in _San Antonio_.”

“I don’t think San Antonio deserves the vitriol you’re levelling at it right now,” Jeno laughs. 

“San Antonio is a tourist trap.”

“We know, babe,” Donghyuck says, placatingly, patting Renjun’s hand. “But this is a road trip and Jaemin hasn’t seen the Riverwalk. It’d be a nice place to take him.”

“Does Jaemin get a say in any of this?” Jaemin asks, finally locking his phone. 

“Jaemin would, if Jaemin would ever deign to look up from his phone,” Jeno teases and Jaemin rolls his eyes. 

“I was texting my boss,” he says. “Finally managed to convince him to give me two weeks off.”

Donghyuck grins. “Now we’re all good to go.” He shoots a look at Renjun. “And that includes the fucking Riverwalk.”

Renjun makes a face at him. 

Of all the things high school had prepared Donghyuck for, waking up at dawn certainly wasn't one of them.

It takes him forever to get out of bed and then once he's out, shivering in the coolness of his room, it takes even longer to get himself ready to go. Thankfully, he packed last night and all he has to do is just shower and grab breakfast, but even that seems like a nearly heroic pledge this early in the morning. How do Jaemin and Jeno do this every day?

At half past five, Donghyuck's phone finally dings, and he kisses his sleepy mother on the cheek with many promises to stay safe before bounding out of the house to Jeno's car idling on the sidewalk. The air is humid and foggy, wisps of mist trailing over the tops of the houses decorating their street like matchsticks in a row. 

"Be safe, all of you!" Donghyuck's mom calls from the door, waving with a tired smile on her face. Donghyuck waves back, blowing her a final kiss, before he throws his duffle bag in the trunk and joins Renjun in the backseat, which is already littered with a blanket and several snacks.

"Finally," Renjun says, peering grouchily up at Donghyuck under his hoodie. "You took so long."

" _You_ took so long," Donghyuck tosses back childishly, popping through to the front seats and pecking Jeno and Jaemin's cheeks in greeting. Jaemin grabs him before he can pull back and tugs him into a proper kiss, licking lazily into his mouth until Jeno coughs pointedly, making them pull apart. "What was that for?" Donghyuck murmurs as he slides back to his seat.

Jaemin's smile lights up the car better than the dawn sun could ever hope to. "I hadn't done that in a while," he says. "Was feeling the withdrawal."

Donghyuck blushes, and going by Renjun's pointed look, he doesn't miss it.

"Are you good to drive right now, Jen?" Donghyuck asks, just to will away the heat in his cheeks that is summoned so easily by one Jaemin Na.

Jeno waves him off. "I'm fine. You guys have your fight over who gets the AUX cord and I'll drive and we'll all hate the songs two hours in.”

“You know us so well, Jen,” Renjun says.

Donghyuck laughs as Jeno pulls out of the neighbourhood and onto the main road. He cedes the AUX cord fight to Renjun and Jaemin. and Renjun wins because Jaemin is whipped for Renjun, as all of them are. And because Jaemin's music taste is, to put it mildly, quite terrible and it would take them much, _much_ less than two hours to succumb to throwing Jaemin’s phone out the window.

Renjun's soft indie music fills the car as Jeno pulls onto the highway, the sun slowly starting to climb up above the horizon. Donghyuck, refusing to bother with a seatbelt, throws his legs in Renjun’s lap, shooting him a smile in return for the narrowed glance Renjun shoots him and stares out the window, watching the scenery vanish past him, quicker than he could blink.

Donghyuck loves road trips - when he was younger, his family always used to drive anywhere they could. Planes were a ridiculous luxury and only ever used for emergencies. He remembers the three day drive up to New York last summer so they could tour Julliard, remembers the audiobooks his younger sister had borrowed from the library playing soothingly in the background, the bags and bags of pretzels and trail mix littering the car, remembers watching the states whizz by them in a dizzying pattern of everything and nothing all at once. He loves road trips.

Donghyuck hums along to the music, tilting his head back against the window before slowly, lazily, drifting off to sleep, lulled to dreams by the comforting hum of the car and the sound of the wind rushing past them.

Donghyuck gets gently shaken awake an indeterminate amount of time later. 

He blinks awake, blearily looking out the window, wincing as the sun hits him full in the face. “Where are we?”

Renjun, who’d awoken him, moves back out of his space, yawning. His hair is adorably mussed up and Donghyuck can’t help but smile at it. “Where do you think?” Renjun asks as he gets out. 

Donghyuck leans down to shove his shoes on before glancing up out at the window. The demonic beaver grins down at him and Donghyuck huffs out a laugh. Of course they are. Around the expansive parking lot, several cars mill around, people laughing loudly as they walk into Buc-ee’s, the smell of gasoline and clean sun hitting him squarely in the face. 

“Jaemin looks like he’s about to enter hell,” Renjun mutters when Donghyuck joins him outside the car. Jeno’s steering Jaemin into the store, chattering brightly, and Jaemin’s expression looks purely lost as he stares around him.

“Well, we’re certainly giving him an experience,” Donghyuck laughs, reaching his hand up to smooth down Renjun’s hair, and letting it drop down over his shoulder, tugging Renjun’s still sleepy warm body against his. “Come on, I want to get some heart clogging junk food.”

Donghyuck always privately thinks that Buc-ee’s is what Hell would look like if Hell was American. There are rows and rows of junk food stretched out under fluorescent white lighting, country music blaring in the background, the smell of bacon wafting in the air. Texas memorabilia stretches out for miles beside him. Donghyuck tears his gaze away from a cowhide rug with great difficulty. 

“Bathroom,” Renjun says and Donghyuck waves him off, drifting towards the alluring smell of breakfast tacos. 

He spies Jaemin and Jeno and joins them, cackling at Jaemin’s face as he stares at the jerky bar. 

“How are you doing?”

Jaemin pauses from reading some of the names of the jerky, and looks up at Donghyuck with a lost look on his face. “I’ve lived here for four years,” he starts, before faltering. “But this is…”

“Texas?” Donghyuck asks, around a laugh. 

“Look, Nana,” Jeno says, a wide grin stretched over his face as he points down the line. “They have a whole bunch of fudge.”

Jaemin's confused expression clears instantly and he turns in the direction Jeno's pointing, immediately walking away from them. Jeno crinkles a smile at Donghyuck before they follow.

"Where's Renjun?" Jeno asks as they congregate around the fudge, Jaemin's lips pursed as he considers all the options with all the intensity of a scientist who’d just discovered a new element.

"Bathroom," Donghyuck mumbles. "Which actually, I should head to before we leave."

Jeno waves him off. "I'll stay with Jaemin, meet you back at the car in ten?"

Donghyuck hums before heading back through the crowd.

They finally leave beaver hell fifteen minutes later, car gassed up, the scent of fudge and pre-packaged cheddar popcorn - Jeno's fixation - filling the air. Renjun's driving now, and Donghyuck switches seats with Jaemin, so he and Jeno can stretch their legs out in the backseat and takes control of the AUX cord for himself.

"I bought breakfast tacos," he says, digging in his bag for the slightly squished tacos. For all the weirdness and certainly artery clogging junk food Buc-ee's carries, their breakfast tacos are one of the best things to grace this godless earth and Donghyuck would die for them. "Prepare to experience heaven," he tells Jaemin who takes his taco with a snort.

Donghyuck opens Renjun's taco for him, trading his coffee for the taco and placing it carefully down in the cup holder. Renjun would murder him if his coffee spilled with two hours still left to go until they hit San Antonio.

Renjun's wrists are draped loosely over the steering wheel and the top of his window is cracked open to let in some fresh air, ruffling the top of his blonde hair. He'd taken Donghyuck's suggestion - read: begging and pleading, though Donghyuck has a sneaking suspicion that it was more Jeno’s suggestion that had persuaded him - to go blonde and it _more_ than suits him. The music thrums in the background and Renjun lowly sings along to it, a pretty smile curving over his lips. He looks like he could be the lead in a teen movie. Donghyuck tries very hard not to fall desperately in love with him but it's kind of difficult, especially with the way Renjun looks right now.

"Hyuck."

"Hmm?" Donghyuck blinks out of his reverie to focus on Renjun holding his empty hand out at him. "What?"

"Hand me my coffee, please," Renjun says. "I don't want to take my eyes off the road."

"You grandma," Donghyuck teases. "You can look away for one second, you know."

Renjun just waggles his hand out impatiently and Donghyuck laughs, handing the coffee to him. "Any song requests?"

"Anything but this," comes Jaemin's voice from the backseat, and Donghyuck twists around to stick his tongue out at him.

"The reason we don't give you the AUX cord is because we'd want to break up with you for your music choices," he sneers. "I'm not playing anything you'd like."

"Rude," Jaemin sniffs, casting a plaintive look in Jeno's direction. "Jeno, babe, he's being mean to me."

"Is it being mean if it's the truth?" Renjun asks easily.

"Yes!" Jaemin exclaims over the sound of Jeno's laughter.

"Jaemin's suggestions are vetoed for the rest of the trip," Donghyuck proclaims over Jaemin's outraged noises. "Jeno, you have one chance to prove yourself, choose wisely."

"Whatever you want," Jeno shrugs. "I'm not picky."

Donghyuck makes a triumphant noise and blows Jeno a kiss. "That's why I love you best," he says and watches in pleasure as a blush crawls over Jeno's high cheeks, eyes sparkling at Donghyuck.

Renjun rolls his eyes. "Play some music, Romeo, before I kick you out of the car."

It's past lunch time when they finally cross into San Antonio city limits.

They have an argument over where to eat because four plus years of being friends and two years of being together haven't taught them how to resolve arguments quickly, especially if those disagreements are over food. They finally manage to settle on Chipotle because it was the cheapest option and also because Renjun threatened to drive them off a cliff if Donghyuck and Jaemin kept fighting.

Renjun had been in charge of booking the Airbnb for this leg of the trip, so Donghyuck isn't really worried. He trusts Renjun to not let them sleep in a shack for the night - and he's proven right when they pull up to a cute room right by the Riverwalk.

They quickly shower and change and finally leave the apartment when it’s nearing five. The sun is still hanging high in the sky and Donghyuck instantly starts sweating. Fuck Texas summers, honestly. What was the point in the whole state becoming boiling for the majority of the day so they all slowly cooked like lobsters, turning pink and ignorant of their fate once the lid closed over them? Nothing ever got done this way. 

The Riverwalk is embedded in the thick of downtown and they wander aboveground, glancing at the shops. They duck into a retro ice cream shop to buy large cones before they finally decide to make their way across the road and to the stairs that lead down to the Riverwalk. 

Renjun may hate the Riverwalk, but even he can’t deny the beauty of it, and Donghyuck watches him slowly start to enjoy it, a distant smile on his face as he observes the sight in front of them. The sun is starting to dip below the horizon, and the shops and restaurants turn on their lights, turning the river golden and silver, rippling in light as they join the crowd milling around below. Jeno slings an arm around Renjun's shoulder and laughs at his face as they start to walk around the river.

Jaemin looks adorably fascinated, turning his head every few steps to see everything, his eyes wide, hand tightly clutching Donghyuck's so as to not lose him in the crowd.

There isn't much to do except to walk around and window shop, and none of them are really all that hungry yet, still quite full from the ice cream cones, so they just head down the Riverwalk, people-watching and taking in the beautiful sights.

Donghyuck prefers the Riverwalk at night, because the multi-coloured lights make the whole space look beautiful and ethereal - it almost feels like a liminal space, something that you could slip into unknowingly, like falling into another universe altogether.

They climb one of the staircases to get up onto the bridge that connects both sides of the walkway and Jaemin automatically whips out his phone, griping halfheartedly about leaving his camera in the Airbnb. He makes them all pose several times in different lights, and Donghyuck tries not to feel embarrassed about having a mini photo shoot while people pass them, throwing them strange looks as they do so.

"Come here," Renjun says exasperatedly, beckoning Jaemin over after about ten minutes of non-stop photos. "You haven't been in a single picture."

"I'm taking them," Jaemin protests, but Renjun yanks him closer and they all huddle together to take a squished and dark albeit very cute selfie. Donghyuck watches in fondness as Jaemin inspects the picture before immediately setting it as his phone wallpaper.

When they start walking down the path again, he steps close to Jaemin and brushes a kiss against his cheek.

Jaemin glances at him in surprise. "What was that for?"

Donghyuck offers him a smile. "Because you're cute, Min-ah."

Jaemin flushes, rare and pretty, and his hand reaches down to twine around Donghyuck's again, clutching tight, though this time, it holds a different feeling.

Dinner happens way too late, at an overpriced Mexican restaurant right on the edge of the river, before they finally stumble back to the Airbnb, exhausted and aching.

They only have the room for one night before they're back on the road again, because Jaemin had shown no interest in seeing the Alamo and Donghyuck had gotten his fill of rubble and stone after one class trip back in eighth grade, as did Jeno and Renjun.

They split themselves into the two rooms. Donghyuck ends up with Jeno because Renjun _hates_ it when he gets kicked in his sleep - which Donghyuck can and _will_ do - and Jeno sleeps too soundly to be bothered by anything around him.

"Hurry up," Donghyuck whines, watching Jeno brush his teeth in the bathroom. "I want to cuddle."

Jeno grins over at him, showing a full mouth of white toothpaste foam before he leans over the sink to spit. "I'm coming."

Donghyuck leans over to turn off the lamp beside him just as Jeno shuts the door and takes a running leap to land on the bed, narrowly missing squishing Donghyuck under his heavy body. Donghyuck wriggles around, throwing the blanket over both of them, and then promptly wraps his limbs around every inch of Jeno he can reach. Jeno laughs before responding in kind, tucking his face into the crook of Donghyuck's neck.

"Night, Jeno-yah," Donghyuck mumbles, already starting to drift off to sleep.

A low snore greets him in response and Donghyuck smiles.

**Part Three**

By the time they arrive at Galveston, the sun is already starting to set, the weather cooling pleasantly despite it having been over a hundred degrees in the afternoon. Rather than heading to the room, Jaemin opts to drive them straight to the beach, far away from Pleasure Pier to the other side where not a single living soul can be seen. The beach is hundreds of meters away from where they park, but the excitement in finally seeing the ocean propels Renjun over the hot sand, spurred on by the yells of Jeno and Jaemin as they sprint by him.

Renjun skids to a stop just as he hits the edge of the water, but Jeno simply throws his phone and shirt onto the sand and plunges into the water, laughing loudly, Jaemin close behind him. They splash around in the ocean, screeching when the water hits them in the face and Renjun backs up a few steps until he hits dry sand. Donghyuck pads up to him moments later, his phone already pointed at the duo in the water, laughing softly as Jaemin shrieks when Jeno grabs him around the waist. 

“Are you not going in?” Donghyuck nudges Renjun’s shoulder with his own. 

Renjun waves his hand. “Later,” he says. “It’s too hot. Go on, I know you’ve been dying to get in the water forever.” He wrinkles his nose. “Even if it _is_ Galveston.”

Donghyuck laughs. “Galveston really doesn’t deserve this,” he says, stripping off his own shirt.

“It totally does,” Renjun sighs, sinking down onto the sand with everyone’s things beside him. Donghyuck throws his head back, laughing loud and quick, and Renjun looks up at him. He’s known Donghyuck since they were kids, has loved him for a very long time, but the sight of Donghyuck in the sun never fails to make him speechless. He smiles down at Renjun, badly dyed lavender hair shining silver and gold in the sunlight. 

“What are you looking at?” Donghyuck teases, folding up his shirt. 

“You,” Renjun says honestly. And Donghyuck’s widening smile knocks the remaining air out of his lungs. 

How is he supposed to let this go?

Only after the temperature goes down marginally does Renjun finally get in the water, shuddering at the cold. 

“You should have gotten in when it was warmer,” Jaemin chides, wading up to him. Renjun digs his toes into the soupy sand as another wave rocks against him, water splattering up his chest, and tries not to glare at Jaemin.

“I’m fine,” he says and Jaemin laughs, wrapping his arms around Renjun’s body, making goosebumps break out down his arms and chest. Jaemin is warm, but the water dripping off him is so cold, and Renjun can’t decide whether to shove away from him and just dunk into the water all at once to end it, or to snuggle into Jaemin’s hold, soaking up whatever warmth he can. 

It feels magical to stand there, in the empty sea, only surrounded by the people he loves most as the sun slowly curves its way over the sky, trailing fire as it goes, the dark curtain of night following close behind. Jaemin kisses the side of his neck and Renjun shivers again, head tipping back almost instinctively to let him dip down further. 

“Stop thinking,” Jaemin mumbles. 

Renjun watches Donghyuck shriek as a wave nearly overwhelms him, Jeno paddling like a puppy in the waves, his hair remarkably still dry and sighs. “That’s like asking me not to breathe,” he points out. 

“Don’t do that either then,” Jaemin suggests with a smile in his voice. “Just let go. Enjoy the moment.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“That’s because it is,” Jaemin hums and presses one last wet kiss to the curve of Renjun’s collarbone before pulling back and twisting him around. A wave rocks into them, pushing them back a couple of steps and Jaemin kisses Renjun. 

He tastes like salt. Like what a summer sweetheart should taste like; cotton candy dreams and salty kisses. Renjun loves him so much. 

Laughter sounds from behind them and Jaemin pulls back, the sweetest smile stretched out across his face. He trails his fingers down Renjun’s arms, stepping back. “Let go, Jun-ah,” he says. “You’re all ours for now.”

Renjun watches as he ducks under the water and pops up a few yards away, a smile on his face.

It’s so easy to say. 

Renjun shivers even as he treads water, swimming out farther. The others are behind him, the sea largely stretched out in front of him, the cold ocean suddenly seeming so dark and infinite. Making him feel so small, microscopic in the vastness that was the universe. Renjun stares up at the barely visible moon and tries to remember how to breathe.

It’s been hours since they waded into the ocean and he’s tired, of course, but there’s something hypnotic about the sea, something that makes him think it wouldn’t be that bad to sink into it’s dark arms forever. 

Then there’s a rush of water, and he turns to see Jeno wading over. “What are you thinking about?” He asks, when he draws near, treading water easily. 

“How small I feel,” Renjun answers truthfully. “How it feels like I could get swallowed up by the ocean and no one would notice.” 

“I would notice,” Jeno points out, tipping his head to the side. “We all would.”

“Mmm,” Renjun hums. “Still, there’s a weird kind of helplessness out here, like I could swim forever and never actually get anywhere.”

There’s a beat of silence, just the sound of the ocean rolling small waves over them as if it’s choosing to be kind right now, the sound of Jeno breathing and the sound of Renjun’s heart in his ears, loud and steady. In that moment, he feels infinite. 

“Well,” Jeno says finally, and when Renjun rolls his head down to look at him, Jeno is smiling, a soft, gentle smile. “I don’t know about swimming forever, but right now, do you want to swim back to shore with me so we can get some pizza?”

Renjun laughs. “That sounds great,” he says and they swim back together, the water rushing around them, cool and forgiving for that one night. 

Jeno had the foresight to bring beach towels, which none of them had even thought about, and they all lay on the sand, waiting for the majority of the water to drip dry off them before changing into new clothes. There’s still sand stuck to his calves and thighs and literally every other part of his body, but Renjun resists the urge to scratch at it, instead helping Donghyuck lay out the towels on the car seats so they don’t mess up Jeno’s car. Well, beyond what they already have. Four boys in a small five-seater car for a week straight was bound to create a mess. 

They find a Papa John’s pizza place attached to a gas station, and even Donghyuck doesn’t bring up his eternal Domino’s-is-the-best-pizza debate when they sheepishly slink into the store, still covered in sand, and smelling like the sea, their hair still dripping down the backs of their shirts. The cashier’s bored expression doesn’t change once the whole time, and Renjun reckons, as they sit against the back wall, arguing about the best pizza toppings while their stomachs grumble loudly, that he’s probably used to this. 

They eat the pizzas in the parking lot, sitting on the curbside between the gas station and the pizza place, trading napkins and hand sanitizer until the two large pizzas have been completely devoured and Renjun feels absolutely content. Only Jaemin’s crusts still remain in the box because he hates them. Jeno and Donghyuck head into the gas station while they clean up, and Renjun bursts out laughing when Jaemin figures out that the perfect way to get the pizza boxes to fit inside the tiny trashcan is to jump on it with a gleeful expression on his face. 

“You look demonic,” Donghyuck comments when he and Jeno come back, carrying plastic bags with them. 

“I’m being environmentally friendly,” Jaemin defends, shoving the pizza box into the recycling bin. “What’d you get?” 

“Snacks,” Jeno says, and Donghyuck comes up to Renjun, holding out a bottle of orange juice. 

“Here,” he says and Renjun grins up at him, heart still light from laughing. 

“You remembered,” he says fondly.

Donghyuck smiles. “Of course I did.”

Three weeks ago, Donghyuck and Renjun and Jaemin went to the drive-in movie theatre. There’s only one in their city, and it’s small and very clearly ancient. Jeno had to bow out due to family issues, and so it was the three of them, in Donghyuck’s brother’s huge, gas bellowing truck, pulling up to the old theatre a little after eight. The sun was still hanging at the edge of the sky but the movie wasn’t set to start for a while, so they had a little time. Donghyuck goes to get the snacks and Renjun pulls out a can of bug spray and shoves it at Jaemin. 

“No,” Jaemin wrinkles his nose. “I hate those things, the smell is awful.”

Renjun flattens a look at him. “The mosquitoes are going to eat you alive. Don’t be an idiot.”

Jaemin makes a face but he begrudgingly takes the can of spray. 

More cars slowly start to file in around them as Donghyuck returns with the snacks, hopping up onto the flatbed of the truck with ease. He looks a little ridiculous with the large hat he’s wearing, but the tip of his nose is already peeling from a healing sunburn and it makes sense that he doesn’t want another one atop it. 

“Popcorn,” Donghyuck says, dropping down beside them. “And soda.”

“No orange juice?” Renjun asks, punching the pillow he’d bought against the flat end of the truck and leaning against. 

Donghyuck snorts. “Did you want orange juice.”

“I love orange juice,” Renjun pouts, and going by the glimmer in Donghyuck’s eyes, he can tell he’s not taking him seriously at all. Which is fine, he was teasing at first. But now, Renjun’s actually craving orange juice. He sighs and takes a handful of popcorn as the lights around the lot dim. 

“The next time I’m in a place to get you orange juice, I’ll buy you some,” Donghyuck promises, and Renjun tips his head onto Donghyuck’s shoulder and smiles. 

“I’m holding you to that,” he says as the movie starts to play. 

The drive back to the Airbnb is slow and sleepy. 

Every muscle and bone in Renjun’s body is weighed down with exhaustion and he can just barely keep his eyes open. Jeno is yawning every minute as he drives. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?” Jaemin murmurs from beside him.

“No, we’re nearly there,” Jeno says around a yawn. “Besides, you also look like you're about to pass out."

"Yes, but less than you," Jaemin points out, and Jeno laughs, tired and low.

Renjun casts a look beside him to see Donghyuck passed out with his head against the window, mouth slightly open. He smiles and pulls his phone out lethargically to take a picture of it before going back to fighting against sleep.

The Airbnb they'd booked was a small one bedroom house close by the beach. Normally it would have been ungodly expensive, but Jaemin had somehow found a discount. As Renjun walks into it, even in his half awake state, he can appreciate the beauty of it. One of the walls in the living room is covered with pastel painted sea shells, and there's a large painting of the sea in the bedroom, which thankfully holds one very large bed.

They take the shower one at a time, and when Renjun gets out, he nudges an asleep Jeno sitting by the bathroom door until he wakes up and stumbles into the bathroom.

Renjun collapses on the bed, groaning. Donghyuck is already passed out on the bed, curled up in the corner, and Jaemin is sitting upright against the headboard, his eyes drifting shut every second or so.

Renjun clambers under the blanket, and sighs, turning to Jaemin. “Jaemin,” He murmurs soundlessly, holding out his arms, and Jaemin glances down at him. His expression softens and he turns off his lamp, dropping his phone on the table beside the bed before curving into Renjun's arms willingly.

The bedroom has a patio door in it that looks off into the distant sea, and the curtains are open, fluttering from the ceiling fan.

Jaemin sighs into him and wraps an arm around his waist. "You're warm," Jaemin mumbles.

"Sleep," Renjun sighs. "No more talking."

"'Kay," Jaemin says.

The bathroom door cracks open, flooding the room with a crack of light. Jaemin twitches around Renjun before Jeno flicks the light off quickly.

"Night," Jeno mumbles, collapsing on the other side of Renjun and curling up around Donghyuck.

Renjun opens his mouth to answer, but before he can, sleep overtakes him.

**Part Four**

Jaemin wakes hours later, with Renjun pressed into his left side.

They'd all been so exhausted from the drive and the subsequent time at the beach that they'd fallen into bed at ten or eleven, passing out instantly. For Jaemin, who'd spent most of his high school career sleeping very little and then for the rest of it waking up at five in the morning to go running, the amount of sleep he got the night before didn't matter much at all. And now, here he is, wide awake, before the sun has even risen.

Renjun is clutching him like a limpet and Jaemin smiles down at his sleeping face before carefully pulling away. His bladder is insisting at him and he needs water as well. 

The sun is starting to peek out over the tops of the flat dunes of sand and sea when Jaemin gets out of the bathroom, feeling remarkably clear-headed after washing his face. 

He grabs a bottle of water from the pack they’d bought last night from the gas station before carefully and quietly opening the patio door. Glancing back at the still sleeping occupants shows that none of them have moved, and with a smile, as well as several sneaky pictures taken on his phone, Jaemin shuts the sliding door behind him before sitting down on the steps. 

He hasn’t been able to watch the sun rise for a while now. Whenever he used to go back to Korea for holidays, the jet lag would always wake him up in the middle of the night - and same when he came back home - and Jaemin always used to sit at his bedroom window or in his backyard, his knees tucked up to his chest, watching the sunrise. It’s a peaceful act, quiet and solemn in its isolation, and Jaemin feels a simultaneous heaviness and levity in his chest as he stares up at the sky. 

Then the sliding door opens behind him and someone settles on the stairs next to him. 

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Jaemin shrugs. “Woke up early. It’s habit now.” He tilts the water bottle over. “Want some?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Jaemin sighs, staring out at the horizon and closing his eyes, the back of his eyes burning as orange and dark wash over his vision. “I can’t help but think, you know,” he says quietly. _Admits_ quietly. “Of the possibility that we might all drift apart soon.” He swallows. “Because we could - we’re all going so far away from each other and we could all - we could all -”

“Jaemin.”

“No, like - I haven’t thought about it,” Jaemin rambles, not knowing where the words are coming from and unable to stop. “Like I was actively forcing myself not to think about it, but this is our _last_ summer together and then we’re all-”

He cuts himself off when Jeno’s arms come up around his neck and tug his head into his shoulder. Jaemin shudders, pressing his mouth into the crook of Jeno’s neck. 

“Jaemin, it’s going to be okay,” Jeno murmurs helplessly. “Jaemin, Jaemin-”

“You don’t know that,” Jaemin tries not to spit but it’s a near thing. “Jeno-”

“You don’t know that we aren’t either,” Jeno says gently, and Jaemin doesn’t understand how he’s so calm. Not when it feels like his heart is about to pound out of his chest. “You don’t know everything, Jaemin, hard as it is to believe.”

“You’re so over dramatic sometimes, Na,” comes Donghyuck’s sigh, and Jaemin peels his face away to scowl up at him and Renjun as they join him and Jeno on the stoop. Renjun yawns, scrubbing sleepily at his eye as he curls up behind Jeno, resting his forehead against Jeno’s back, seeming to drop off almost instantly. 

“You’re an asshole,” Jaemin mutters and Donghyuck laughs, ruffling up his hair and leaning back on his palms, smiling at him with sleepy eyes. 

“Listen, babe,” Donghyuck starts and Jaemin lets out a tiny groan, leaning back against Jeno in preparation for the bullshit that is about to come his way in the form of Donghyuck’s smirking smile. “I don’t know _why_ you’ve decided to have an anxiety attack over this on the one and only vacation we'll get this summer but here goes: stop being an idiot.”

Jaemin glowers at him. “What?”

“Stop it,” Donghyuck says easily, tipping his head to the side and regarding Jaemin with a warm gaze that belies the bland harshness of his tone. “Yeah we might all forget about each other three months into the new semester and find new people to fall in love with and move on with our lives, because we’re going to be in _college_ and we’re going to be growing up. There’ll be new experiences and new people coming at us from every corner and there’s no reason for you to be scared of that. Because that’s life. People move on - even your best friends. And it’ll hurt like hell when it happens _not_ just for you but for every single one of us, but we’ll _move on_.

“Or there’s the more optimistic view - which I personally would like to take - and we’ll all still be disgustingly in love even when time zones and distances and stupid professors and their stupid assignments do their very best to tear us apart, and we’ll drive our roomates crazy by sucking up all the wifi on four way Skype calls and we’ll be grossly happy when winter break rolls around because it’ll be four weeks together and then we’ll be grossly sad when we have to leave again. And we’ll grow as people and change but we’ll still love each other because guess what we’ve known each other for a very long time, and I don’t know about you, but I’m certainly not the same person I was when I was a freshman in high school. And despite it all, I still very much find myself looking forward to every second we spend together.”

“You’re still an annoying piece of shit,” comes Renjun’s sleepy murmur from behind Jeno and Donghyuck takes that with an agreeable nod. 

“Yeah, sure, let’s go with that as if I don’t light up your lives every single day with my beauty and grace,” Donghyuck says, with a smirk before focusing back on Jaemin, his expression fading into something warm and fond and so _Donghyuck_ that it makes Jaemin hurt. “Change is going to happen, baby, whether you want it to or not, whether we drift apart or not, and I know you don’t like it, but you gotta get used to it. And we’ll be there for you if you have trouble adjusting, though my bets are all on you succeeding amazingly.”

Jaemin swallows around the hard block in his throat and presses his lips together to force back the ugly tears that are threatening to overwhelm him. “You’re an asshole,” he mutters again, unable to say anything else and Donghyuck smiles. 

“I know, but you love me anyway,” he says, and leans in to kiss Jaemin’s cheek, wrapping his arms around Jaemin’s waist and pressing in. Jeno scoots closer and lays his head against Jaemin’s and Renjun throws his arms around whatever part of him he can still reach. 

“We’ve still got time together,” Renjun says and Jaemin closes his eyes. “Think about that for now.”

“And when we all leave, you have our full permission to ugly cry at the airport, all three times,” Jeno says with a smile in his voice.

“And we won’t even make fun of you for it,” Donghyuck offers and Jaemin laughs, his breath hitching around a sob. 

“Thanks.”

They stay there, wrapped up in each other as the sun rises over them, over the sea and the sand and the house and Jaemin and the three boys he’s loved since he set foot in this country for the first time. 

“I love you,” Jaemin says, because it needs to be said. Because this is the perfect time to say it, and though Jaemin’s fears are hardly gone, though he can still feel that anxiety, that fear of being seperated, of being _alone_ for the first time in four years, right now, in this moment, he still has these three boys. 

Jeno hums. “It’ll be okay, Jaemin,” he says quietly, heart thumping steady and loud right against Jaemin, calm and gently just as he’s always been. 

They sit there. 

The sun rises. 

After ages, Renjun groans, pushing away from them. “It’s too hot for this, I’m fucking dehyrdating from sweating so much already.”

Donghyuck laughs, too loud, right beside Jaemin’s ear and then they’re all pulling away, straightening up and brushing out their clothes. Jaemin stands along with them, a little dizzy from the rush. “I want to see the ocean again,” Donghyuck says and Jeno shrugs. 

“We’ve got nowhere else to be.”

“Great,” Renjun walks into the house. “I call first shower.”

Jaemin turns back around to see the sun, hanging high and bright in the sky. 

Two months. 

Then everything is going to change forever.

“Hey.”

Jaemin turns around to see Donghyuck running after Renjun, trying to beat him to the bathroom, hears Renjun screaming bloody murder and finds Jeno still standing there, in the doorway, waiting for him and holding out his hand. 

Jeno smiles. “You coming?” 

Jaemin reaches out and holds on. 

**Author's Note:**

> leave me your thoughts <3
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/_donghyuck_)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/thereisnoreality)


End file.
